Stand By.

October 26th, 2o1o

'Kishpike! Where in the Darmha Protector's name is your San Sebastián update? It has been like three whole days since you got back, and I'm dying for an update. I would totally tell you if I've accepted your proposition if you had posted two days after, but now? Now it is too late. I will keep making you wait, and you aren't helping your case by delaying posts! I can't marry a Kishpike who delays posts, what sort of character does that show?' You are probably thinking.
My San Jean de Luz and San Sebastián update will be delayed just a few days more, until I have my camera returned to me.
You see I fell asleep on the return bus and almost missed my stop. I woke up as the last person was getting off.
So I scrambled off the bus.
And forgot my camera.
Fortunately It's chartered through the USAC program frequently enough that I should have the damnable device back tomorrow, and you'll have your update complete with those a-cursed photos.
Besides, I gave you that Sidería update, didn't I?
Don't I deserve just a hint as to the answer to my proposition?
I'm going to proceed with a normal day-to-day update then.
See what you make me do!?!

So I've been SUPERdown lately.
Loneliness, life confusion, general day-to-day confusion, difficulty in my classes, and basically feeling like I'm not smart because I didn't like a book. ( I realized today that I don't like a lot of things in English that are supposed to be 'good'. Having a strong opinion about what is sad and what isn't doesn't make me stupid. It makes me Me. Short stories by Pío Baroja if you must Know.)
In fact the depression has been pretty low for a bit.
And then it struck.
An Emotional High.
It began with what I called a 'vacation,' I dug out my earphones and MP3 player and plugged into the music. 'Fuck it,' thought I, 'I'm going on vacation from all this nonsense.'
First song up was perfect. Blue October.
It captured exactly how I was feeling, and then let it go. Washed out all the sadness with a little bit of anger and good music.
Great. But now I'm angry a little.
Next Song?
'We are all connected' the Symphony of Science.
[If you haven't heard these, click the link and listen to a few. They're great. Autotuned combinations of popular scientists explaining the Universe, and such. Carl Sagan, Bill Nye, even Hawking throws down some dope jams. I can say that right? Dope jams? Well I just did. Twice.]
This song set me into a very zen, calm and happy mood. I was set.
I was on my way to Basque Traditional Dance.
A class I happen to love.
And like the forgetful little Kishpike I am, I return to class, a smile on my face and begin to stretch out...

I did write out a paragraph about how I feel about this class, and some emotional responses to situations that won't change any time soon. I've decided to shorten it.
Today I didin't care that sad kid sad, because sad kid won't talk being sad with me, and always pretends he's not. I'm not his counselor and I just don't have it in me to give a toss.
Fake kid was fake. This pissed me off. I tried not to let it piss me off, but Fake kid was also holding back the class. Why take an art class and hold it back if you don't like it? Because you are Fake kid, apparently. (Am I the only one who notices how fake he is? Well I guess it helps that everyone else who surrounds him aren't struggling to rip off their social masks like I am.)
That's it isn't it? I'm surrounded by people who are content with the social mask.
I'm trying balance tact and honesty.
Not mutually exclusive, I know, but one makes the other difficult to uphold.
I find myself fading into the background.
Returning to my old habits of Lone-wolfishnes.
Not necessarily a bad thing, just so long as I don't let it get in the way of expression.
By the lotus I need some sort outlet beyond this blog.

I am going to Venice this weekend.
There was a cheap perused whim.
Internet and European Flights? I love them.
Not more than you, clearly, as my future fiance.
But enough that you should be a little jealous, and bring it up when we're fighting and you're feeling like being petty.
Tickets to Venice aren't the only thing I bought today.
I also bought the following

  • 1 Wine Glass1 Abriador (Corkscrew!)
  • 1 Plug for my bathroom sink, yay shaving!
  • 1 small thing of small nails. (Maybe I can fix my boots?)
  • 2 Pens
  • 3 Pairs of socks (Because they came in a pack and one was purpel Argyle. Hell yes.)
  • 1 Box of Matches

    and, drumroll please....

  • 2 Cubans.
Not people mind you.
The Cigar kind.
I'm planning on having one on New Year's and saving the other for a Rainy Day. (Which is great because that is all of winter here.)

Most of that stuff was bought at what is the equivalent of the Dollar store, Chinese stores. They sell amazing amounts of things, for cheap. The quality is much higher than a dollar store and about the same price. [.90e for most of the things on that list.] The only thing they say not to buy are Umbrellas. Buy good Umbrellas in Spain.
For now I think Umbrellas are for Chumps.
Perhaps later in the Rainy season I will allow myself to be counted among such Chumps, but for now, I more or less laugh when other people call the light drizzles sloughing their way out of the clouds 'Rain.'

Well I do have a paper to right, and then write.
(B.T.W. I picked up my camera before hopping online to post this, so now I have that. Yay!)

Kishpike Out.

1 comment:

  1. I'm quite sad to hear that you're feeling down. You know I'm always going to be a great cheerleader for the non book liking Kishpike! Fuck em' if they base any opinions on who you are based upon literature opinions.